No Blockbuster In the Mail Tuesday

Life doesn't have to be interesting everyday.. no matter how much I say that to myself, I can't convince myself to believe it. Here I am in a beautiful city full of beautiful people and places, but I feel so removed from it all, maybe work being 30 miles away has something to do with it, but even attempts at starting a social life are semi-fruitless. Does anyone even use that word, "fruitless"? I've signed up for 12 volunteer events, 10 of which I received responses they are full, one I had to donate money to join, and the single "Teach Seniors Computer Skills" event that I did get, I drove the wobbly Corolla half way across the city in snow storm (below) just to find myself locked out of the school in a ghetto neighborhood with no parking. No point in complaining, it's a recurring theme, I'm just not the making friends type.

Nonetheless, as this is my last month in Chicago, I will miss this lonesome dark city. In retrospect, I've had a lot of time to think and reinvent what I want out of life, and trying to be nice, pleasant, and agreeable all the time is definitely not on my list. I've wasted a lot of time trying to please a lot of people in my life that it's starting to lose meaning for me. No more blind investments in people who have not earned my affections.. with the exception of old people and kids, and animals. So yeah, there will be less bullshit tolerated this year!

It's been a good winter, in a way the solitude and environment has chilled my heart and soul a bit, not necessarily a bad thing as less heart could lead to more mindfulness at seeing the natural state of things. Does it get worse with age? Having to spend more time explaining yourself than actually working on your own inner mentality and growth? It seems to get worse when in relationships, but then again, it could be a good indicator not to make it long term.

I need to stop eating like a starving glutton. Hopefully I'll be able to leave the x lbs I've gained here behind when I leave in 3 weeks. Going to Taiwan chubs would not be nice, I can't believe my sis has never been to Taiwan, she's coming with. I haven't been back for more than 20 years, Kevan's coming with also, to finally pick up some Chinese and fulfill his long lost dream of becoming a FOB. There shall be stories....!